I am a terrible Christian.
With the morning off, I had time to stare down the barrel of impending doom in T minus 2.5 weeks. My heart, mind and body seized with fear. I cursed God all the way out because I couldn't see any further than right now. I doubted not only His love for me, but His intentions, goodness and existence. I threw my fists in the air wondering why I have to go through this alone. "I don't want to sell my house! How does a good God bless me with a home, only to take it away?!" I screamed. I contemplated setting a match to my house, or at the very least, drinking myself numb. And then I went to work.
We were busy at the BT, so I was able to partially put my feelings aside as I focused on doing my job. Around 9:30 I went outside to smoke. All of the days emotions and thoughts came flooding back to the front of my brain, and I start to weep and pray. "If you say I'm not really alone, then can you show me something? Do you actually hear me? Why do I have to go through this fear?!" Finally, 10:30 came around, and I was able to do my cash out for the night. In a piss poor attitude, I sit in the office next to the youngest line cook on our team (who has been with BT for 5 years, is a senior in high school, and a new dad). We discuss how tonight's service went, and the BS that went on. I don't know how it happened, but we started to talk about the new bar that my boss has in the works. The line cook tells me that a deal has been made for the new BT. The new building is slightly bigger than our current location, but has all the same beauty and appeal of our current location. The new menu has been tested here, unbeknownst to anyone. Lastly, there is a list of servers that the boss is taking with him...."Meg, you are on that list".
You can imagine the humility I felt for cursing God, and the repentance that quickly ensued.
However His reality is now, more than ever, set firmly in place.
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