That's really what we want right?
Have you ever experienced this?
"I've only put in 75 hours this week and I'm excited about it!" It is my responsibility to convince everyone in the immediate area that the product that I'm selling is the absolute best in class, and I've spend countless hours creating the perfect medium and finding the right channels to make this happen, and how to prove the ROI on it.
Or what about this?
You've commented on all of their Facebook status updates, as well as sent one or two text messages to say "I'm thinking about you. Hope you're well". You wait all week because you know that you'll see them at insert-group function-here and you'll interact face to face then.
Sounds like OCD doesn't it?
It's not. However it is the thought pattern of most insecure people that find their security in being approved by others. In other words, it's a desire to be noticed, but not wanting you to know that I want you to notice me. We play it off like we're just pursuing friendship, or doing our jobs, but there is a much deeper issue going on. If you see yourself in these stories, then ask yourself: what happens when you're not engaged in the way that you would like -you weren't invited out for coffee, or you didn't get the praise from the boss. You're mind and heart spin out of control - you are destroyed emotionally, and the outer workings of that are NEVER good. At the end of your freak out, you're still alone, brokenhearted and seemingly hopeless.
I know this all too well because I've lived through it and I want you to know that there is hope. However, not without acknowledging what this is first. It is not a self esteem issue, but rather an idolatry issue. Idolatry looks like this: Think about a throne over your life. The person/thing that sits in that throne is the ruler of your life. By ruler, I mean the thing that impacts your decisions. On this throne is a placard.
Who or what name is on that placard?
My entire childhood consisted of constant rejection. I was an overweight kid with a bad attitude and high schooler's can be brutal, so I found solace in loud, crass, anti-authoritarian music. Punk music was sung by the scorned and abused, and I found belonging in it. It was the idea of "being known" that was so appealing, but yet simultaneously hiding behind my own well constructed walls (that looked like earbuds and a tapedeck). Little did I know then that all I wanted was to be liked; to be approved of by others. Other people were my idol.
Is the fear/reverence of man a real threat? Heck yes. Check Proverbs 29:25 - "Fear of man will prove to be a snare; but whoever trusts in the Lord will be kept safe." Or what about Luke 12:4-5 - "I tell you my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who after killing of the body has power to throw you into hell."
If you need a fleshed out version of the threat, think about how the consequences of the aforementioned stories play out in our own lives. The "I want my boss' approval" story: I have negated my entire community and my responsibilities. I am no longer in the dating pool. People think I'm new at my church. What about the other story?: You're so overwhelming to people that you end up pushing them away, or only participating in superficial relationships with them.
Is the fear/reverence of man conquerable? I hope so. But my hope is not in my ability to live within ridiculous boundaries, but rather in the transformative work of Jesus. Once we've reached the reality of our sinfulness, we must turn away from it and believe in this transformative work - Repentance and Faith. We must also pursue relationship with the one true God, the one who created the throne; the only one to sit in it.
"If our identity is so fragile as to depend on the approval of others, then we will live lives of insecurity, anger and serial failure". - Mark Driscoll
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