We are idol factories

As I was thinking through this topic, I had a sneaking suspicion that I have written on this before. Sure enough, its in a former blog post. It proves that we are idol factories; if one thing that we choose to worship fails us, we will merely choose something else.

 

 

Most of you know that until recently, I sat unemployed for 5 months. As short of time as it is, while living it, it was a very long and excruciating time of my adult life. Then I got a job, and I thought it was over - deliverance had finally come.

 

PSYCH!

 

For three weeks, my boss tells me that I try too hard and yet simultaneously I endure elitist scrutiny for not delivering perfection. This dichotomy leaves me emotionally empty and perplexed - why do I do this? Is the short answer to just try harder? Then what? These questions (and a litany of others) took me down memory lane that was littered with approval seeking and the need for justification. For nearly 32 years, I have lived my life trying to gain the approval of someone - whether its my boss, my spouse, the cool kids club...you get the drift. Essentially, my worth as a human being hinged on the approval of another human. When they rejected me I was left feeling empty and worthless. (My hope is that at least 50% of the people who read this respond with "me too".)

Now that I know I'm not alone, where do we go from here?

 

 

Initially I got angry, and wanted the typical 4-letter-word vomit to come spewing out. But then I thought, what's the purpose in that? For a moment, it will make me feel self righteous and indignant, but then tomorrow will come and I will be in a perpetual cycle. I could pretend to somehow get "thick skin" by shutting out 95% of the people around me and pretend like I don't care, or I could pump my own brakes and let God teach me something. (Keep in mind I only arrived here after reaching the very end of myself. I can only imagine God saying, "Are you done yet?!")

 

What He taught me was that repentance is an intentional and daily thing. That spiritual warfare totally exists, and we need to be aware and prepared to fight it with the gospel. That my boss, spouse or friends don't determine my value, but rather God does. Moreover, He's reminded me of my value and how much he loves me in verses like Ephesians 1:7, Matthew 6:26 and Genesis 1:31. If that's not enough, He reminds me that He hung His own perfect and sinless son on a cross to die a brutal and torturous death FOR ME - A BROKEN SINNER.

Thank you for choosing me, instead of me choosing you.

 

 

 

 

Wilmington - A Growing Place.

Wilmington has a history of crime, drugs and homelessness. I moved here six years ago, and at first glance, I didn't think it was a place that I could see myself staying in. However, I noticed that the downtown region was trying desperately to breathe new life into the city by investing in arts and culture. In my first year here, the notorious Queen Theater was being revitalized by partnering with World Cafe Live and wxpn. Then the Fringe Festival came the following year. Wilmington was finally becoming a place that people not only wanted to come to, but invest in. Our little city is still growing, but it's taking new shape into something beautiful.

My church is planted in Wilmington's Cool Springs neighborhood, and a few of us belong to the neighborhood association. Two years ago during one of the meetings, the leaders advised that the mayor had granted us the opportunity to have a community garden in the local, untouched green space known as Rodney Reservoir. I am unsure if the leaders knew exactly how amazing this endeavor would turn out to be, but I am so glad that they pursued it. It started with 20 garden plots for $25 each. The cost covered the wooden frame, the dirt and the key to the gated entrance. There is such a demand that there are now 45 plots available! The demand is not only for the space, but moreover the community that is formed out of a centralized affection for gardening. This platform has brought us, the cold and aloof Northeast, out of our homes and together as a community that supports each other. When such a foundation is put in place, good things grow from it.

The Job Fair (or unfair) at Harrah's

Today I attended a job fair that solidified that desperation knows no boundary. There were  roughly 3000 people that were supposed to have registered for the job fair. In two hours, I saw every kind of person from every walk of life; standing in line I heard countless stories of struggle that resonated with me, but moreover broke my heart. 

I've been in the business circuit for at least a decade, and I knew what today was going to look like: companies that paid a few hundred dollars for a booth at Harrah's Casino that had nothing more to offer than commission only sales jobs, or an opportunity to enroll (i.e. spend money we obviously don't have if we're in need of work) in post secondary education. Commission only sales jobs offer no salary, no benefits....not exactly what most of us are looking for. These jobs require you to eat/sleep/breathe the job, forsaking all other areas of your life, just for a sale. (Trust me, it happens. See the post from 1/9/13). My heart broke for the countless men and women I saw leaving angry and disheartened.

Today made me want to connect job seekers with employers in a very intentional way, but the question is where to start, and what does it look like.

If I could ask a favor of you: Solicit trustworthy opinions of people you know who are small business owners/managers/ HR personnel. Ask them how they would react to someone reaching out to them, asking them to, at the very least, inform me of potential openings, or at the most, participate in low key, quarterly, meet and greets over coffee at no cost.

I would appreciate any thoughts.

Justify me.

                                               That's really what we want right?

Have you ever experienced this?

"I've only put in 75 hours this week and I'm excited about it!" It is my responsibility to convince everyone in the immediate area that the product that I'm selling is the absolute best in class, and I've spend countless hours creating the perfect medium and finding the right channels to make this happen, and how to prove the ROI on it.

Or what about this?

You've commented on all of their Facebook status updates, as well as sent one or two text messages to say "I'm thinking about you. Hope you're well". You wait all week because you know that you'll see them at insert-group function-here and you'll interact face to face then.

Sounds like OCD doesn't it?

It's not. However it is the thought pattern of most insecure people that find their security in being approved by others. In other words, it's a desire to be noticed, but not wanting you to know that I want you to notice me. We play it off like we're just pursuing friendship, or doing our jobs, but there is a much deeper issue going on. If you see yourself in these stories, then ask yourself: what happens when you're not engaged in the way that you would like -you weren't invited out for coffee, or you didn't get the praise from the boss. You're mind and heart spin out of control - you are destroyed emotionally, and the outer workings of that are NEVER good. At the end of your freak out, you're still alone, brokenhearted and seemingly hopeless.

I know this all too well because I've lived through it and I want you to know that there is hope. However, not without acknowledging what this is first. It is not a self esteem issue, but rather an idolatry issue. Idolatry looks like this: Think about a throne over your life. The person/thing that sits in that throne is the ruler of your life. By ruler, I mean the thing that impacts your decisions. On this throne is a placard.
                                   
                                 Who or what name is on that placard?

My entire childhood consisted of constant rejection. I was an overweight kid with a bad attitude and high schooler's can be brutal, so I found solace in loud, crass, anti-authoritarian music. Punk music was sung by the scorned and abused, and I found belonging in it. It was the idea of "being known" that was so appealing, but yet simultaneously hiding behind my own well constructed walls (that looked like earbuds and a tapedeck). Little did I know then that all I wanted was to be liked; to be approved of by others. Other people were my idol.

Is the fear/reverence of man a real threat? Heck yes. Check Proverbs 29:25 - "Fear of man will prove to be a snare; but whoever trusts in the Lord will be kept safe." Or what about Luke 12:4-5 - "I tell you my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who after killing of the body has power to throw you into hell."
If you need a fleshed out version of the threat, think about how the consequences of the aforementioned stories play out in our own lives. The "I want my boss' approval" story: I have negated my entire community and my responsibilities. I am no longer in the dating pool. People think I'm new at my church. What about the other story?: You're so overwhelming to people that you end up pushing them away, or only participating in superficial relationships with them.

Is the fear/reverence of man conquerable? I hope so. But my hope is not in my ability to live within ridiculous boundaries, but rather in the transformative work of Jesus. Once we've reached the reality of our sinfulness, we must turn away from it and believe in this transformative work - Repentance and Faith. We must also pursue relationship with the one true God, the one who created the throne; the only one to sit in it.


"If our identity is so fragile as to depend on the approval of others, then we will live lives of insecurity, anger and serial failure". - Mark Driscoll

I notice things.

I notice trends among people. 

For instance, my 23 year old sister and her 25 year old boyfriend were over the other night and I insisted we watch The Parking Lot (http://www.theparkinglotmovie.com/). The parking lot's bigger picture theme is about the owner's management style. By giving his staff human decency, respect and ownership of their jobs,  it in turn creates loyalty and a sense of reverence for the owner and the job at large. 

The boyfriend suggested we watch "Juice" with Tupac a few nights ago. In this film, Tupac wants to prove he's got "the juice" (i.e. manhood) to himself and his Harlem community. To do so, he shoots up a liquor store, killing the guy behind the counter; then progressively kills all of his friends because they're accessories to murder. Me, being the rebel that I am, advise that we watch "Four Brothers" last night so that I could compare and contrast. Based in roughneck Detroit, this band of brothers commit to avenging their mother's death in the same violent manner that was reflected in "Juice". Needless to say, they were disinterested in Mark Whalberg and Andre 3000.

My findings leave me bewildered.

I communicate my secret study to them and then ask "If you're not drawn into the bigger picture, what do you think about?" THEY COULDN'T ANSWER. They did not have a response. So I'm just left to believe that this demographic thinks about nothing? Or worse, they only think about themselves? Is this limited to this demographic, or is it a growing pandemic? My roommate thinks its due to the generation gap between me (31) and them. Whatever it is, it's extremely disheartening.