As I was thinking through this topic, I had a sneaking suspicion that I have written on this before. Sure enough, its in a former blog post. It proves that we are idol factories; if one thing that we choose to worship fails us, we will merely choose something else.
Most of you know that until recently, I sat unemployed for 5 months. As short of time as it is, while living it, it was a very long and excruciating time of my adult life. Then I got a job, and I thought it was over - deliverance had finally come.
PSYCH!
For three weeks, my boss tells me that I try too hard and yet simultaneously I endure elitist scrutiny for not delivering perfection. This dichotomy leaves me emotionally empty and perplexed - why do I do this? Is the short answer to just try harder? Then what? These questions (and a litany of others) took me down memory lane that was littered with approval seeking and the need for justification. For nearly 32 years, I have lived my life trying to gain the approval of someone - whether its my boss, my spouse, the cool kids club...you get the drift. Essentially, my worth as a human being hinged on the approval of another human. When they rejected me I was left feeling empty and worthless. (My hope is that at least 50% of the people who read this respond with "me too".)
Now that I know I'm not alone, where do we go from here?
Initially I got angry, and wanted the typical 4-letter-word vomit to come spewing out. But then I thought, what's the purpose in that? For a moment, it will make me feel self righteous and indignant, but then tomorrow will come and I will be in a perpetual cycle. I could pretend to somehow get "thick skin" by shutting out 95% of the people around me and pretend like I don't care, or I could pump my own brakes and let God teach me something. (Keep in mind I only arrived here after reaching the very end of myself. I can only imagine God saying, "Are you done yet?!")
What He taught me was that repentance is an intentional and daily thing. That spiritual warfare totally exists, and we need to be aware and prepared to fight it with the gospel. That my boss, spouse or friends don't determine my value, but rather God does. Moreover, He's reminded me of my value and how much he loves me in verses like Ephesians 1:7, Matthew 6:26 and Genesis 1:31. If that's not enough, He reminds me that He hung His own perfect and sinless son on a cross to die a brutal and torturous death FOR ME - A BROKEN SINNER.
Thank you for choosing me, instead of me choosing you.
Thank you for choosing me, instead of me choosing you.
